Their Aim is to Gain Your Trust FIRST, Before Your Child’s
Think about that statement for a moment…
Your child is not the initial target; you are. Why?
Because you are the gateway to your child and your child’s trust. If the adult gains your trust, he has become a trusted adult in your child’s eyes…and this means your child will be much less likely to disclose abuse by that person, thinking that you will be angry with them or will not believe that this “trusted adult” would do such a thing.
The information in this section will be taken primarily from the book, The Socially Skilled Child Molester; Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused (Carla van Dam, Phd; Hayworth Press, 2006). It is strongly recommended reading for parents!
How is it that so many child molesters get by with what they do for decades without ever being caught?
First of all, please be aware that they DO very often get by with what they are doing without getting caught. Most likely you know, and perhaps trust and think very highly of, someone who has actually been molesting children for years. Yes, let that sink in.
The answer lies in their uncanny ability to know their territory. They first of all groom adults where the children are. They, in other words, gradually gain the trust and comfort with the adult parents of children in such places as churches, sports clubs, community groups, etc. They focus on the adults, sometimes for months, before ever shifting their attention to the children. It is a gradual, yet very methodical, process that happens without unsuspecting adults having a clue as to what they’re up to. By the time they have abused a child, the adults are convinced that the perpetrators are perfectly trustworthy, upstanding citizens who could not possibly do such a thing. Think about this: as adults, we do not like to be so wrong in our judgement of someone. Surely a child molester could not have fooled us. The fact is that they are very skilled at fooling adults; it is as if they are the ultimate con artists when it comes to gaining the trust of adults.
In order to get all the information you need on the “Socially Skilled Child Molester,” please schedule a presentation with Dr. Brown through our agency (just call us at 338-5658). Until then, know that well-socialized, grooming, child molesters are:
- Too helpful
- Too private
- Too attentive to children
- Too touchy with children
- Too involved with image management
- Too one-sided in relationships (always giving, rarely taking/accepting)
- Too opportunistic
- Too superficial
- Too prone to violate boundaries of personal space and privacy
- Too aggressive when confronted
- Too quick to drop friendships when children grow older
- Too likely to disappear when contact with children is denied
- Altogether too charming
- Too good to be true